Partner Guide for Erectile Dysfunction
“At first you thought, ‘Oh, you’re old enough to slow down. But it got to the point where it bothered her, and she couldn’t have sex without drugs, ”said Anne, who asked us to use only her name.
He is not alone. About 18 percent of all men in the U.S. have ED, and the chances of developing it increase dramatically after 40 years.
People with diabetes, as Anne’s husband did, are three times more likely to have ED than men without diabetes. This disease can damage the blood vessels and nerves needed to develop.
Having a partner with ED can be difficult to deal with, but think about it from their perspective. “We as women can’t even imagine how frustrating it is – at least, that’s what my husband told me,” said Anne.
Find the root of ED
While it may sound personal, you should not regret your partner’s erectile dysfunction. There is often a combination of causes – and, experts say, you probably are not one of them.
“It is rare for an ED source to be sexually active,” explains sex and relationship specialist Ian Kerner, Ph.D.
“Some women may feel, ‘She’s not attractive, she doesn’t like me, or she’s bored with me.’ And that is quite rare compared with the other possibilities. ‘
In older men, vascular problems are often the leading cause of ED. In fact, since the blood vessels in the penis are smaller than those in the heart, heart disease may first appear in the penis. Eighty percent of men who came to the ER for primary heart disease said they had developed ED at some point 3 years earlier, said Daniel Shoskes, MD. He is a professor of urology at the Cleveland Clinic.
For young men, Shoskes says, the problem is often psychological. Depression, stress, and work anxiety, especially when you are in a new sexual situation, can be the cause.
Medications, especially beta-blockers for high blood pressure and certain antidepressants, can also lead to complications.
In many of these cases, ED medications such as Cialis, Levitra, Staxyn, Stendra, and Viagra may be helpful. “They work, they have few side effects, and they are not addictive,” says Kerner.
If the pills do not work, there are other options, including vacuum pumps, self-injection injections, and implanted equipment. If you have a heart condition, however, these medications may not be right for you. Talk to your doctor.
What you can do
These six tips can make it easier to deal with your partner’s ED.
1. Try something new. “Often the first big step is to develop a passion,” says Kerner. This could mean accumulating pre-played games, reading or watching something interesting together, or coming up with an idea for something you’ve never tried before, Kerner said.
2. Release the pressure. Remove the stress from the penis, says Kerner, and “try something else for a little while.” He says that could include oral sex, sex toys, and a vibrator. “Try to put his hand on the vibrator and show him exactly how fun it is.”
3. Have a conversation. Start with your feelings about the situation, and be empathetic, says Kerner.
4. Take your boyfriend to the doctor. “The most successful patients are those where the sexual partner is a true partner,” Shoskes said. “If a woman can come in, that’s a great help.”
5. Be patient with pills. These drugs are effective, but arousal does not occur by command.
6. Encourage them to have good heart health. “A good heart and cardiovascular health keep a healthy rod,” Shoskes said. “It may not restore existing suspension problems, but it could slow down their progress.”
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